Breakdown


Sara Rempe

Everyone wants to die
sometimes which isn’t
the same as wanting to kill
yourself a difference clarified as
they take my phone and jewelry
lock me inside my husband
on the other side a guard
in between I can’t leave I drag
my body the paper gown down
to the bathroom no knob no lock no
security and change fast as I
can manage because I can’t manage
any longer to be a wife or alive or the great lies
of my life but that’s not true it’s the truth
I can’t hold inside I have left behind
all I use to quiet me

alcohol nicotine promises I am
                           shocked I can’t keep the dying
                           version of me underneath no
                           it is something alive splitting

                           somewhere I am splitting open
                           bits of me sticking to the city words
                           stitched to the back of my throat I want to
                           spit free let them lead me out of myself
                           I see the saddest version of me
                           on a bench overlooking the sea

telling two stories
                          the past
                          is waiting somewhere for me

and the future too blank a space
                          to navigate so I am
                          locked down I look down
                          can’t see
                          the hem of my blue
                          paper gown

 


Sara Rempe is a writer and educator in New York. She earned her BA in creative writing and her MFA in poetry at Hunter College, where she received a teaching fellowship and a Norma Lubetsky Friedman Scholarship. She teaches at Hunter College and Fordham University. www.sararempe.com
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